The labor of love, how to never lose the spark

We all have an idea of love. The fantasy of seeing them from across the crowded room, locking eyes being pulled to them like a magnet and floating softly towards each other by some kind of gentle fire. We imagine candle lit dinners, laughing while holding hands on the beach, dancing our first dance as husband and wife, and all sorts of beautiful moments with violins, soft guitars and birds chirping in the background. Eventually we face the real music though.

Laundry and dishes are piling up, we get asked to work on Christmas, that dreamy beach getaway costs too much money and we don’t have enough vacation time to spring for it. If you have children there are diapers to change, alarm clocks being slept through when the school bus is honking, and not a single thank you in the mix.

It can be easy to lose the romantic magic in the midst of all this reality, but like anything in life a bit of consistent effort goes a long way. Here’s a few easy tips to create magic in your everyday life.

1. Take care of yourself and your health: it’s easy to put your needs a side when everyone needs something from you, but having the strength to set boundaries will help everyone involved more than you stretching yourself thin. Managing your physical and emotional health will only make your efforts more effective, and your attractiveness will be unparalleled for tip 2.

2. Make sex night a crucial part of date night: Even if you can only manage one night a week, sex will keep you connected, and will boost your self esteem as individuals.

3. Remember important dates: Your first date, your birthdays, anniversaries all hold powerful energy for you as a couple. If you continue some kind of celebration ritual year after year you reinforce that power of your relationship.

4. Communicate effectively: This might be the most important tip in this article. You will disagree, and you should be honest about your needs not being met, but the wording, timing and tone of voice you use can make an improvement or an argument. Any time you need to make a suggestion bring up something positive to open the conversation and soften the blow. For example, instead of scenario A…”I told you to get 2% milk not whole milk! You never listen to me!” Try scenario B…”thank you so much for getting groceries, I’m not sure if I specified but next time could you grab 2% Instead of whole milk?” Avoiding blame and assumptions and still showing appreciation for your SO. Try to avoid these conversations immediately after they walk in the door as well.

The labor of love is just that, labor. But it can be a lot of fun with a little consistent effort.

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